too much has happened, and they one after another. first was the sacking, uh huh. then comes chma and the preparation. it really made me so tired and exhausted (don't get me wrong, i appreciate everybody giving me that chance to perform). after chma comes sports day. where i tried my best to prepare for it, do the cheer competition part and get people to run.

okay it was my mistake that there were duplicated copies and we didn't announced to everybody who to report to. but like what CYX said, its like going to a job interview. going for it does not necessarily mean you're getting the job, it means they're giving you a chance to prove yourself and then you might get the job. i'm not saying i'm the fucking best at it, but to be honest with you, you aren't really a sports person, you're a great guitarist. and i asked you to stay, you walked away. did you know J got 4x400m race on that day and we would be short of one man? i bet you didn't. as if the whole fiasco wasn't enough, you had to put it up. it doesn't do you, me, or anybody for that matter any good, does it? its proven - people that aren't involved in this matter are commenting. whatever it is, it was my fault for being such a lousy house captain, not my committee. don't you dare insult them, its because of them that noel is second overall.

but you aren't making me feel any better. i can't read your mind, can i? if not i wouldn't be so vexed. sometimes, i really feel that i'm being really too extra in your life - i'm really confused. what dyou want me to do? please tell me, i'm lost.

i guess, exam stress is getting to me. this is week 20 and there is not break yet. schooldays are 6 days a week, not 5. one day to rest isn't enough. there's still 4 more weeks till prelim 2. can i really do it? idk, i know what i need to do, but i cannot find that motivation to do it. i'm writing my future here, and so far it's just a novel with a depressing storyline.